Mother’s Day is always a little harder for me. Not because I’ve lost people that were mother figures for me but mainly because the idea of being tied down to something other than myself gave me a negative connotation about motherhood.
In college I was a fiery young liberal who never wanted to have kids because I spent so much of my youth surrounded by my pool of cousins that I became “responsible” for, for summers on end.
I look back at my own childhood and constantly thought of how much my own mother ‘toted” us from one community event to another … never really knowing what was happening just tagging along in a never-ending cycle of “one more thing” that I had to smile / sing / stand / sit / be quiet for. It didn’t matter how noble the cause… I didn’t feel a part of it.
I swore with my first child that I would not do what my mom did to me. Three kids later I’ve softened my approach but still, its a goal. Each child has taught me something different about myself and about the world around me.
When I look back on Mother’s Day a lot of times I see the short falls, the disappointment and even past relationship resentment before I can even begin to see the smiles of birthdays, Christmas baking or the deep unconditional hugs in our random lazy weekend chats.
The week leading up to Mother’s Day this year was rougher then usual. Kids bickering, demands of my career and all the household shuffle in between. But that’s what we do right? As ‘wonderwomen’ we put on this mask that we can truly do it all without hesitation. Every. Day.
Let me be the first to admit: I’m human. And in being human in this self prophesying world we tend to drink our own kool-aid. At times we feel we need to out perform even ourselves to justify doing more for our children. To justify our legacy in this temporary world. We feel less than even when the bible tells us differently.
Because of my family’s foundation of faith I always use the quick spiritual guides, inspirational words and faithful thoughts of the day to help root my day in the spirit to which gifted me this opportunity of the blended family life.
I just went from me, to Him in one sentence y’all.
And in that shift I constantly have to reinforce my own insecurities of being enough. I am enough. It’s hard just typing it here.
I’m still learning.
In being a birth mom and a adopted mother I have learned to parent in ways that I thought was not possible for me. I believe it was the Holy Spirit disciplining me just as much as I was disciplining them. Teaching me patience and compassion. Molding my anger and frustrations into peace.
In this instantaneous culture I’ve come to find the mysterious rooted ebb & flow of peace throughout parenting my beautiful children along side my amazing ‘ford tough’ husband. And it brings me to share this post about being enough. Because we are.
We don’t have to be everything for everyone… we just have to carry on what God sees in us. And that alone allows God to carry the ones we love.
That’s all my mom was trying to do. And I’m grateful that I get to pass that on to my children.
To all the moms / aunts / grandmas / caregivers / neighbors / foster moms / etc in the whole world… you are enough. ❤️
Bask in it today! #happymothersday